Journaling with Sharon and the Father

Unless you become as a little child...

Beset with many tasks and sensing myself sliding into a feeling of being overburdened, I was drawn to an earlier journal entry-- a prayer that began this way:

 

“Hold onto the sense you are receiving,” I hear that word this morning Dear Lord.  You have taken me back to remembering my sense of things as a little child:

·         I didn’t worry about shelter, home, or food, or having a place to sleep.
·         Things may have been changing all around, there was a war going on, but I felt okay—that everything was being taken care of.
·         And, it wasn’t my responsibility—it was in the hands of others and my parents didn’t put those burdens on me.

 And You say to me, Dear God “Unless you become as a little child, you shall not enter the kingdom of Heaven.”  I probably don’t have the exact words, but that is what I remember.  Today I see a particular meaning for me in being a “little child”, and that is having that “sense” that everything is being taken care of—the world, all of us, are in Your hands, your Loving Hands, and you do not burden us with that which we cannot do. Rather, You teach us to listen with our hearts, from our unifying central core, so that we may move with You, doing, taking care of that which You have placed before us, given to us, as our responsibility. We learn in our teenage to young adult process to go from outer controls to inner controls.  We meet the challenges of our calling. You have called me to a holy Mother.  I am formed in motherhood and I have that gift to offer, mothering where it has been lacking as Father Flanagan “fathered” boys who had missed good fathering-- protection and guidance, provision and modeling.  So today, Dear Lord, I willingly move as Mother—nurturing, guiding, always caring, loving and letting go so my sons and daughters may grow. I was moved by the recent penguin story on Public TV’s “Nature”—how the parent penguins move away, longer and longer distancing, so the growing young will learn how to find them, and in the process, the young penguins develop physical strength that prepare them for life on their own. You, Dearest Father, Brother Jesus, Holy Spirit, sometimes appear to be far away.  Yet you are present, teaching us, teaching me, how to seek and find so that I may be nourished by You.  And in the process, my spirit is strengthened, preparing me for what lies ahead. Thank you, Dear Father that all is in Your Hands; Thank you, Dear Jesus, for teaching us by Your Life and dying, the Way, the Truth and Life;  Thank you, Dear Holy spirit, for moving our hearts and empowering us to express them for building up the body, the kingdom, the place where God is at home.  Thank you for showing me what it means for me to become as a little child.

Now and forever, 

 Your Sharon

 

As I listen, I hear the Lord say to me:

Beloved of My Heart,

            Yes, as you are free of bitter roots and regrets, you are able to sense my protective, caring, teaching, guiding, providing presence—LOVE, all works of love.  I have prepared you as a loving Mother—you wanted to be a Sister, and I have formed you as Mother.  Mother superior!  What a good laugh you are having over that one!  I show you the path to life, fullness of joy in My Presence and bliss forever at My Right Hand.

            Stay with Me, beloved, as I stay with you.  Remember My words:

            “I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you so that you walk in my statutes, observe my ordinances, and keep them.”  (As did Jesus)  Ezekiel: 36.26

            “We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works.”  (Hebrews 19.24)

            Jesus said, “To the one who has something, more will be given.”  (Mark 4.25)  The more you are open to the word of God, the more you receive.  God does not hold back!

                  

I love you, Dear Heart, now and forever,

Abba

My Sheep Hear My Voice.

A reflection on the readings for the Fourth Sunday of Easter, 2013

Thereadings this Sunday call us to martyrdom; to witness in strength and love to the Lamb who shepherds us and fills us with His joy.  How do we gain the confidence of Paul and Barnabas to be a witness to the truth of the Gospel?

 

John: 10:27-30

Jesus said:  “My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish.  No one can take them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand.  The Father and I are one.”

 Luke's drawing of him listening to Jesus

Do you know His voice?  How do you learn to hear his voice?  These were questions that came up in our recent Kyrion meeting.  Kyrion is a prayer group for children that we have at our parish.   We are a small group under the umbrella of One Heart~One Fire.  The format for our small but faithful group starts with praise of God in song, an opening prayer, then we read, discuss, act out, meditate and journal on the Gospel for the upcoming Sunday.  We end with prayer.  We are trying to ignite a love for the Father in the hearts of the children, and to lead their hearts to know His voice.  And we are faithful and obedient to the teachings of our Church.  She is our guide into the heart of Christ.  Yet, it is a tall order.  There is an initial discomfort among all the children.  Jesus sometimes says strange things, challenging things.  It may be easier to keep a safe distance.   Even the children perceive this and our culture encourages it.

And this stirs up a bit of nervousness.  Truly, If you were to walk into our room in the middle of one of our meetings you would see what may look like chaos, in fact, it often feels like chaos to me (especially if I happened to have my toddler, Max, along).  To our eyes the rambunctious children do not seem to be ready or able listen and hear the Word of the Lord.  But our eyes miss a lot.   It is hard to perceive the very small movements of God in the ordinary messiness of our daily lives.

After my first few, very, very, VERY noisy and rowdy Kyrion meetings this year, I was tempted to give in to the feeling that it really was not worth the effort on a Friday afternoon, when I would much rather go home and relax with my family after a long week.  After all, we went to Mass that day, we will pray our nightly decade of the Rosary with the children before they go to bed…what more do we need to do?  Yes, Mass and devotion to our Blessed Mother are foundational to this ministry, but God has shown me, through many different means, how dangerous the attitude of "I have done enough" can be.  It can seduce you to compartmentalize faith.  It can induce a complacency in our soul and - I think we can see this in our culture - this complacency reduces our ability to love others with the passionate and fiery love of Christ; with a love that witnesses His love.  We will become lukewarm.  We will not be able to perceive evil, we will be easily deceived and truth will be inverted.  Thus I persevere with our other families. I have learned, over the course of the years how much He can do with a little perseverance on my part.  I am learning to notice the still,  small movements of His Spirit which reveal that the sheep are listening.

Sophia's drawing of Jesus

In fact, on many Sundays, when the Gospel is read at Mass (or during the children’s liturgy he sometimes attends) my son Luke will comment on how we read that in Kyrion, or how he got to play the part of Jesus in that Gospel during Kyrion, or how he drew a picture of Jesus when we journaled on the Gospel.  He is engaged in the readings at Mass in a way that he would not otherwise be.  He is given permission to understand that the Word of God is written for him.  This is not selfish, it is learning to recognize the voice of the Lamb, the shepherd of His people.  In fact, it is giving him the courage to respond to His word in a way that will witness to others.   And he will need the courage; our children will need to know the voice of Jesus.  For some form of martyrdom awaits all of us who listen to and obey the shepherd’s voice, but we are assured that even if we suffer for His sake in this world the Father will not allow you to be lost.

I, John, had a vision of a great multitude, which no one could count, from every nation, race people, and tongue.  They stood before the throne and before the Lamb, wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands.  Then one of the elders said to me, “These are the ones who have survived the time of great distress; they have washed their robes in the blood of the Lamb.  “For this reason they stand before God’s temple.  The one who sits on the throne will shelter them.  They will not hunger or thirst anymore, nor will the sun or any heat strike them.  For the Lamb who is in the center of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to springs of life-giving water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”  Rev 7:9, 14 B-17

So it is imperative that we learn to hear His voice!  We need to teach our children that He is always speaking to us.  In our meeting, we ran a simple game with our children.  They were each blindfolded, and we (their mothers) scattered around the room and all called to them.  They had to listen and discern where their parent was.  They all succeeded.  Why?  Because they live with us, because they communicate with us.  They have learned to know our voices for their own safety, and for their individual needs for nurturing and love.  We learn to hear His voice by living with Him every day, in His Word, in prayer, by frequently coming to Him in adoration, in the Sacraments, in repentance.   Do you know His voice?  You must or you will be lead astray. You must know His voice and be prepared;  because sometimes He asks His followers to do hard things.  To love impossible people.  To forgive unspeakable crimes.  To proclaim Him in terrifying situations.  But in Him you can endure times of great distress, and confidently rejoice that your will be worthy of everlasting life where God Himself will wipe away every tear.

We are His people the sheep of His flock!  Amen!  Alleluia!

Heidi 

Do You Love Me?

  A reflection on John 21:  15-19

Do you pray with the Scriptures?  When you read them, do you allow a word or a scene from the passage to speak to you in your heart and draw out from you a prayer?  It is essential for each of us enter into prayer in this way.  Yet, it is a direction that many "voices" - from the world, and from your own ego - will dissuade you from; because it will reveal your idols, your weaknesses.  The Lord seeks to lead us out of those "Egypts" in each one of our souls.  To do so demands much; it demands a love that endures all things, hopes all things and to be completely truthful, I do not have that love yet.  That is important for me to understand, not for me to despair but so that I can live in His truth, endure in His light and be drawn up into a more perfect love by following His voice.  

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?”  Simon Peter answered him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He then said to Simon Peter a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”  Simon Peter answered him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.”  Jesus said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”  Peter was distressed that Jesus had said to him a third time, ‘Do you love me?’ and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”  Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.  Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God.  And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.”  John 21: 1-19

Simon, son of John, do you love me?

I need to live in His truth, I need to know who I am and  who I am called to be in His truth.  I need it desperately, and our whole culture is dying for lack of this truth.  In this Gospel, through the questions of Jesus, Peter is taken back into the bitter, memory of his betrayal of the Lord, in order to receive the profound, unfathomable mercy of Jesus so that he can be drawn up into His perfect love. What courage this takes!  We, who are so easily offended, we, who so often confess our failings in a self-justifying context, are also taken through the drama of the Lord's threefold questioning of Peter.  Three times he questions Peter’s love for Him, mirroring the three times that Peter denied Him. The anguish of Peter by the third round is palpable. I can understand this, it can be agonizing to allow Christ to plumb the depths of our individual depravity.  Especially in this hyper-sentimentalized culture, where there is no incentive to grow in a deeper more perfect love,  to have cowardice and unwillingness to suffer in order to grow in love revealed in the unflinching light of His gaze is terrifying.  Who really wants to face their own spiritual impotency?  Yet, to grow in His perfect love is to drive out fear (1 Jn, 4:18), because above all we are afraid of our own ultimate futility - our own spiritual impotency.  Christ is the only possible answer to that fear.  Moreover, when Peter submitted to Our Lord’s probing and tending to the wounds of his darkest failure, we are shown that his little love was enough for Jesus, who would transform that little love into perfect love.  And then we see how much potency in the Spirit is released!  

We must obey God rather than men!

Perfect love does drive out fear!  Look at how Peter and the apostles rejoice at the sufferings and worldly dishonor they receive on account of the Lord! (Acts 5:41) How can I be released from the bonds of my spiritual impotency?  How can I be freed the dark hidden wounds in my soul?  These wounds may not always be obvious, but they have a subtle control over my love. Again, I am not speaking of the sentimental love of our time, but the passionate, agape love of God.  The love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor 13:7)  This is the love that our fears would block us from entering into.  This is the love that Christ will so gently draw from you, if you, like Peter, allow His Spirit to enter into your darkest wounds and heal them.  And not just heal them, but as we see in Peter, transform them!  His cowardice, in the power of this love, is lifted up to courage.  The Fisherman from Galilee will endure humiliation and martyrdom for Christ and His Church.  “I will praise you Lord…You changed my mourning into dancing!” Psalm 30 2;12

Worthy is the Lamb!

It seems a little unbelievable.  In this age of stunted, materialistic love, we may be a bit jaded in our hope that we could encounter Christ as intimately as Peter did merely from reading the words of Scripture.  We may be afraid to enter into the contemplative prayer that will bring us to Christ in this profound and personal way.  Do it anyway.  Put aside your fears, suspend you disbelief.   When you read the Gospel, when you hear it proclaimed at Mass, place yourself in the readings in your imagination.  Yes, there may be detracting voices -inner voices, worldly voices- that will hurl all sorts of accusations and distractions at you.  Yes, it may take time to build up an ability to endure in this type of prayer.  Yes, you may have to let go of the insipid, sentimentalized one-dimensional Jesus that is too often presented to us;  this Jesus inoculates us against the One who is the worthy Lamb of God, in whose presence all creation trembles and cries out to in adoration. (Rev 5: 11-14)  Persist!  And be ready, because He will surprise you.  Like He did for Peter, Jesus will ever so gently direct you to true repentance and deep healing. He will take your breath away and you will begin to let the Spirit breath through you. 

You brought my soul up from Sheol

My own experience in this type of prayer is an example of how important it is to persist through those false voices.  For many years in prayer I have entered into the scene of the sinful woman we read of in Luke.  In this prayer I am the women attempting to approach the Lord, but the Pharisees are standing in my way.  They present every objection imaginable to discourage me from persisting to see the Lord.  They accuse me of my own unworthiness and some of their accusations are devastatingly accurate.  The worst one is:  “Just who do you think you are!”  They go on:  “You do not belong here, you never will!"  "You do not need Him as much as others, how presumptuous of you!"  You ought to be content to just look at Him from afar, He will just send you away!”   It has really taken me years to get through that gauntlet in any meaningful way.  Even when I did persist and I fell at His feet, I could not look at Him - I was too afraid.  And in my day to day life as well, I can tell you that this fear, fundamentally a fear of rejection, has stopped me from doing many, many things that I ought to have done.   But, one day I did look up at Him.  And He looked at me with eyes that were strong and serious, and unfathomably loving and said:  “ Well, who do you think you are?”  Wow!  Those words from Him seemed to be my worst fear coming true, but the Lord’s eyes never wavered, and drew from me the answer “I am yours.”   And He responds, “ You did not choose Me, I choose you:   Follow me.”

Alleluia!

 Take a moment to enter into this Gospel in prayer (or whatever Biblical scene you are drawn to). What would He ask you?  In those moments of prayer, much like Saint Peter encounter with the Lord, Jesus will draw you to look at yourself with unflinching honesty, but bathed in His light you begin to receive the courage, the power to be so much more than forgiven:  to be transformed, to be potent and fruitful in His Spirit.  Follow Him!

Christ is Risen!  Alleluia!

Heidi 

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Why Are You Still Sleeping? A Palm Sunday Reflection

A reflection on Palm Sunday's Gospel of the Passion of the Lord

March 24, 2013

Then going out, he went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed him.  When he arrived at the place he said to them, “Pray that you may not undergo the test.”  After withdrawing about a stone’s throw  from them and kneeling, he prayed saying, Father, if you are willing to take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.”  And to strengthen him an angel from heaven appeared to him.  He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground.  When he rose from prayer and returned to his disciples, he found them sleeping from grief.  He said to them “Why are you sleeping?”  Get up and pray that you may not undergo the test.”  Luke 22: 39-46

I am completely overwhelmed by the readings for this Sunday.  They are rich, but so familiar, that it takes quite a lot of readings to settle myself down into prayer.  Since the readings are so familiar every distraction claims priority in my ill focused mind.   The words “Why are you still sleeping?” keep echoing back to me.  Sleeping?  Me?  

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“Why are you still sleeping?”

Don’t you love the persistence of our Lord when you have allowed a smidgen of His word to penetrate your heart?  Yet, much like the befuddled, grief stricken apostles, I have no idea where I am being led with this question.  It is much easier to fall asleep, to complacently put aside His request for my attention rather than allow His word to unsettle dormant desires in my soul.  I like feeling like I have everything under control.  But when you let the word of Jesus echo in your heart and mind, you will soon feel a stirring in your soul; the troubling of sleepy, complacent waters.  And yes, you will find that all is not well there, you need Him, desperately.   Persist, be brave and keep praying!  Because you and I are needed when the hour of darkness falls on us in our own time. 

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“Why are you still sleeping?”

The call of Christ to awaken in each of us the desire to cultivate a heart of unceasing prayer is becoming more and more urgent.  Maybe I am feeling this way because recently, at a Lenten retreat, I was struck by an image a gentleman shared with us.  He received this image during our meditation time.  At first he had been a little distracted by the fast paced music that was playing quietly in the background, thinking that it was not very “Lenten”.  But he persisted in his prayer and soon enough he settled in and could see in his mind Jesus walking very quickly with His disciples following behind.  The man caught up with Jesus and asked him why He was walking so fast.  Jesus replied “because there is not much time.”  It sent chills down my spine.

Or maybe it is because our new Pope Francis has, like Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, pinpointed spiritual poverty as the prevailing sickness of the wealthier nations of the world.  And it is a sickness that has left us sleepy and complacent as objective truths are replaced with the dictatorship of relativism.  We are being enslaved by our baser desires, and many of us are not in the least bit aware of it. The farther we go down this path the harder it is to desire truth - to seek it out with the energy and fervor that are needed to stay awake and endure in the dark mysteries of life, and we have already progressed so far down this path as a culture.  The words of Jesus in the gentleman’s meditation “there is not much time” fall even harder on my heart after I hear this.

Why are you still sleeping?”

  Remember the C.S. Lewis quote that I used in my post on John 6 last summer?  It was a quote, spoken by an elderly Christian man as they await a decisive battle against evil, from his book That Hideous Strength:

Have you ever noticed,.....that the universe, and every little bit of the universe, is always hardening and narrowing and coming to a point?....I mean this,....If you dip into any college, or school, or parish, or family- anything you like- at a given point in its history you always find that there was a time before that point when there was more elbow room and contrasts weren't quite so sharp; and that there's going to be a time after that point when there is even less room for indecision and codices are even more momentous.  Good is always getting better and bad is always getting worse:  the possibilities of even apparent neutrality are always diminishing."  Pg.280-281

 In our distracted, social networked, trans-gendered, create- your- own- truth world the time we have to reach souls is diminishing fast.  We are entering into a time where straddling between faith and culture will no longer be possible.  Are we doing enough?  Are we giving our young ones, not just words of truth, but a living relationship with Truth Himself? Are we teaching our own little ones how to pray more deeply and more intimately with Christ, so that their love for their Lord will override the incredible pressure to side with a culture that increasingly cannot acknowledge objective truth, and is, in fact, hostile to it? If not we need to wake up, and we need to wake up now.  If we cannot teach our own children that Jesus wants you to persist in prayer, through all the struggles and through all the grief in our lives, how in the world are we going to be light for those who lurk in some of the darkest shadows of despair? And, again, the pervasive and growing hostility to our faith, as well asl the ever-present distractions that surround us, make these outreaches even more urgent!

“Why are you still sleeping?"

One way to help us to awaken those around us who practice our faith, but may not live it intentionally, is to teach about prayer and to let every one know that it is in prayer that we learn to love Jesus with passion and with courage! It is in prayer that we begin to discern His voice, and as we persist through our distractions and through our sleepiness, we will begin to know that He is always intimately present. We really need to let the Spirit into our imaginations and let Jesus show us how we are written into His story. To give to one another the courage to cry out to Jesus like Bartimaeus did, persistently.  Or to run the gauntlet of accusers -- those 'voices' that discourage us and would keep us from seeking out the Lord --  like the sinful women with the alabaster jar; so that you can weep at His feet and receive His tender love and forgiveness.  We need to give our young people the inheritance that is theirs by their baptism. They are sons and daughters of the Father.

If you have perceived that persistent call of Jesus, to awaken your soul to prayer and to help others awaken as well , as always He does not leave us orphaned and alone.  There are growing ministries responding to this call.  One that I participate in that has focused on reaching out to our children is One Heart ~ One Fire Ministries.  

Peace and Grace to all of you!

Heidi

Update:

Here is another link, to an article written by Matthew Archbold on the National Catholic Register.  Again, I can her His voice:  "Why are you still sleeping!"