Psalm 139

The readings for the last week of August have featured Psalm 139, a Psalm that I love.  It is especially valuable since the Gospel has been Matthew 23 where Jesus declares “woe to you scribes and Pharisees”, and the first reading has included Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians in which he explains his motives for his ministry.

The contrasts could not be more stark, Paul is firm in his proclaiming the Good News; he is seeking to please God and not men. So he endures the rejection of many and the frailty of the communities that he is ministering to with love and with honesty.  He allows the Lord to search his heart, to probe his motives so that he does not try to accomplish God’s work through deception, through flattery, or that he is not merely seeking praise and attention from other men.  His love and his motivation are from God, with whom he draws his strength from an ongoing and intimate relationship.

.
The Pharisees use the law to bolster themselves, to solidify their power, “neglecting the weightier things of the law:  Judgment, mercy and fidelity.”  Jesus' words cut like a knife through the exterior delusions of sanctity to reveal that they are filled with “evildoing and hypocrisy.”  They are not motivated by love of God, though they claim they are, and may even believe they are.
 
Admittedly, I am inclined to think of all of the “Pharisees” that I could hurl Matthew 23 at, but listening to Sister Anne Shields’ reflections on these passages cut me short on that little (hypocritical) indulgence.  “You can’t judge that (hypocrisy) in others, you can only judge it in yourself.”  I need to allow Him to examine me, to probe me, to reveal the wounds and the darkness that ever so subtly corrupt my intentions to serve Him. Only when I submit to His judgment - His diagnosis of the pathological conditions in my soul, if you will -  can I receive His mercy and healing and have the obstacles to my own fidelity removed.  Only then can the disparity of “intentions of the heart and our external thoughts, words and actions” begin to be unified and whole.

This is why praying Psalm 139 is so wonderful.  We are drawn deep into the mystery of God , who loves us;  who is ever renewing - in spite of the darkness that is revealed, in spite of the hypocrisies, wounds and fears that are so deeply hidden in the dark interiors of our soul.

I have reflected on this Psalm before, and I don’t think that I can express how it speaks to me any better than I did then:

Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand! Repent, for the powers that would enslave you have no power over Him. Repent, for God has never left you; though it may be too dark for you to see Him, He sees you. His hand is upon you! Do not be too proud to allow Him to show you your darkest sins, they are not dark to Him. He knows what they have done to you. Do not be afraid to reveal your most depraved desires or your most wretched fears, he is greater and stronger than any of them.  He can retrieve you from the Sheol in your soul that imprisons you.  Do not be afraid of the chaos sin has stirred up, for His Spirit is with you, encircling you and His mighty wind blows over the dark and formless wastelands in each of our souls, reforming and renewing them. Repent, for the kingdom is at hand!  His light will illuminate the way.

In allowing the Lord to probe and examine me what is still amazing is how often I operate - even in the good things that I do, like going to Mass, or volunteering my time - out of corrupted motives. The genesis of the motive may well have been pure, but somewhere in my wounded heart it is altered.  I really do not like to have these things revealed.  Yet, if I do not allow God to penetrate and probe those motives, I can be easily diverted from the whole Truth.
   
Look at our culture.  Look at how quickly we can be diverted from even the most basic concepts of human dignity by cloaking our reasons for supporting evil in works of charity, or words of equality.  Abortion anyone?  Same-sex “marriage”?  When we lose touch with the transcendent, yet powerfully intimate presence of God, individually and collectively as a culture, we lose touch with tho One who can direct our passions authentically, with strength and love.  Look at Miley Cyrus, look at how quickly an inborn desire to be known and loved by God is corrupted into a vulgar and debased just-look-at-me desire! When you witness that type of debauchery in action, you begin to understand what the Psalmist says:  "Do I not hate those who hate you?" 169:21

But the the Pharisees go wrong here, not because there is nothing to hate in those who pursue corruption and evil doing, but because they seem to love to hate it, out of a corrupted sense of honor. How easily hatred of evil becomes prideful!  How easy it is for our motives to be corrupted! We must be careful to allow the Lord to shine His light on our hatred. So that we hate the evil and destruction that is done to the souls around us; so we feel tremendous sorrow because of it; so that His love fills us and flows outward to those who have been so damaged by this fallen world; our own love and charity could not possibly be enough.

Immediately following His dire "Woes"  to the Pharisees Jesus expresses His deep sorrow at the destruction that will be wrought upon Jerusalem, and for all those who wander away from the road of eternity.  Those who have chosen to hate God's ways.

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her young under her wings, but you were unwilling!" Matthew 23:37

For all the Miley Cyrus’ in the world, each of us must allow the Lord to probe us, heal us and fill us with His perfect love; so that we can truly pray for these souls, and without hypocrisy proclaim God's law and cry out to those who dwell in darkness.  We need to be like Paul,  so we can authentically and lovingly minister in the depraved and weak world that we live in. Because even those who are so horrifically deformed and corrupted by evil can be touched by His light is an authentic way. Even they can be re-formed in His mighty spirit.  Even Miley and praise God, even me.

God, examine me and know my heart, test me and know my concerns.  Make sure that I am not on my way to ruin and guide me on the road of eternity."  Psalm 139 New Jerusalem Bible

Peace and Grace to everyone!
Heidi

Probe me God: A reflection on Psalm 139

Truly you have formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mothers womb.  I give you thanks that I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

What a beautiful Psalm!  These words inspire me in true wonder and awe of the Lord, and with great gratitude and appreciation of the creation of each and every person.  It was read on the Solemnity of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist, who proclaimed a baptism of repentance, and this post is looking at Psalm 139 through the eyes of John. We are often so deformed in sin that we need to hear the words of the prophet anew, and understand how deep this hope of renewal goes. And, I don't know about you, but I need the humility to remember that, yes I am good because I have been created in His image and likeness, but I am also fallen.  I don't want to live easy with my sinfulness, it is destroying me.  I want my hope and my regeneration to begin today.  It is easy to affirm someone who is deeply enmeshed in degrading sin as a child of God, and then leave them there, but when the shame bubbles up again, unless that individual has a higher and stronger faith, he or she may simple be affirmed to sit in death's shadow.

  At the birth of his son Zachariah breaks out with a spirit-filled canticle:

"And you, child, will be called prophet of the Most High, for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, to give his people knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of  their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God by which the daybreak from on high will visit us, to shine on those who sit in darkness and death's shadow" Luke 1:76-79

I, who have been made so wonderfully, and with such a high destiny, I am often mired in darkness of sin, and cowering in the deathly shadow of guilt.  So,even if I know that I am a wonderful creation in the image and likeness of God, still I am overwhelmed by the devastation that is wrought by sin and concupiscence in my soul. I am stalked by past guilt, hurt and rejections.  I am put down by current tendencies to envy and tenacious false identities. And the calloused and dark wounds in my heart quietly prompt deep suspicions that subtly corrupt my motives!  How can I ever recover?  And I live in a time that is both highly judgmental on a superficial level, yet very complacent about enduring with those who struggle with truly devastating sin, and the dark shame and anger that hide with it. I need to deepen my shallow hopes in redemption.  Each one of us needs to encourage others to allow the Lord to probe us deeply, again and again. We need to be humble so we can let the Spirit blow into the god forsaken areas of our souls.

So here is the rest of the Psalm above:

Psalm 139:2-16;23

You know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too. If I fly with the wings of dawn and alight beyond the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand hold me fast. If I say, "Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light" Darkness is not dark for you and night shines as the day, Darkness and light are but one. You formed my inmost being; you knot me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderful you made me; wonderful are your works. My very self you knew; my bones are not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth. You saw me unformed......Probe me, God, know my heart; try me, know my concerns. See if my way is crooked then lead me in the ancient path."

Awhile ago I was meditating on this passage during my Adoration hour, I was praying about a situation that had recently been in the news in which God's great mercy and healing seemed to be missing.  It was a situation in which a lonely, rejected individual committed a ghastly crime.  This young man who eventually took his own life was filled with rage and contempt for himself, and for a society that offered him so little in terms of transcendence and ultimate hope that his existence was not merely an accident.  I began to think about the many, many people who are lost in the darkness of sin, or weighed down by terrible shame, yet even in our mostly Christian culture, seem to be without hope of redemption.  Many of these people struggle with relating to others, sometimes as a result of inborn tendencies, or from traumas that were not of their making.  They are isolated, lonely and filled with a hopeless rage.   I looked back at my journal where I quoted the first lines of the Psalm:  You know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord you know it all.  Beside it wrote: "really?  WHERE ARE YOU!"  next to it.  After that I had scribbled a line from the Matt Maher song, You Were On The Cross:

"Where were you when sin stole my innocence?
Where were you when I was ashamed?

 Hiding in a life I wish I'd never made"

It is hard for anyone to wholeheartedly believe that the Lord cares "when I sit and when I stand" or that "I am wonderfully made", when we are acutely aware of how little our souls resembles the high dignity and glory they were created for.  And in the case I was praying about this young man knew how deformed he was, but he had no hope of being reformed because he had no hope that he was created by God and that God willed him to be reformed.  It is even harder in our cynical times of superficial love and sentimental catch phrases to awaken a sense of repentance that is more than just self pity!  And there are still many who are in darkness and in death's shadow, unaware that the tender mercy of our God can and will penetrate anything. We are the ones who need to make them aware, we need to pray for the daybreak from on high to break out upon them, wherever they are!  We are to follow in the footsteps of the Baptist!


The Psalm now begins to whisper to me:  Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand! Repent, for the powers that would enslave you have no power over Him. Repent, for God has never left you; though it may be too dark for you to see Him, He sees you. His hand is upon you! Do not be too proud to allow Him to show you your darkest sins, they are not dark to Him. He knows what they have done to you. Do not be afraid to reveal your most depraved desires or your most wretched fears, he is greater and stronger than any of them.  He can retrieve you from the Sheol in your soul that imprisons you.  Do not be afraid of the chaos sin has stirred up, for His Spirit is with you, encircling you and His mighty wind blows over the dark and formless wastelands in each of our souls, reforming and renewing them. Repent, for the kingdom is at hand!  His light will illuminate the way.

Then I underlined the last line, as a daily prayer for myself, and for many others who do not yet know to pray it. "Probe me, God, know my heart; try me, know my concerns. See if my way is crooked then lead me in the ancient path." 

 

  Here is the refrain to You Were On The Cross, the song quoted above:

You were on the cross.
You were there in all of my suffering,
You were there in doubt and in fear,
I am waiting on the dawn to reappear.

Go out and en-kindle a hope that salvation and reformation are at hand; a hope that no one is an accident or beyond His tender mercy; a hope that is beyond all the sorrows of this world!

Peace and grace,
Heidi