Lord, I Just Want You!

A reflection on Psalm 131 by Heidi Knofczynski

"Lord, I do not puff myself up or stare about,
or walk among the great or seek wonders beyond me.
Truly calm and quiet I have made my spirit:
quiet as a weaned child in its mother’s arms –
like an infant is my soul.
Let Israel hope in the Lord, now and for all time."
Psalm 131

A while ago, in our usual mad rush to get out the door to school on time, my little preschool daughter had a meltdown over her socks. They did not feel right, and there was nothing I could do to make them feel right.

We were already running late for school, there were no socks that were an adequate replacement for the offensive pair she was wearing, so in frustrations I screamed, “I can’t help you!! I don’t know what you need!”

 Crouched on the floor with tears streaming and fists clenched she took a deep breath, and softly said: “I just want you!” 

Sigh! We were late for school.

She climbed up into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck , sobbed a little more but very quickly relaxed. She was feeling rejected at school, and had no idea how to handle it.  In stead of seeking help, she held in her hurt and fear until she could not hold it in anymore.  In reality, she just needed a few words to reassure her of her worth and dispel the murmuring worries in her head about what the other girls thought of her. From there she was ready to go forth, quietly forgive them, and be friends again.

Her response epitomizes to me what this Psalm is getting at.

The world is filled with complex problems that we cannot always avoid.  We need to have the childlike humility that can cry out to the Lord in times when the murmuring voices confuse us and breed isolating, prideful self-sufficiency in our dealing with the very real hurts and problems that come our way.  "Lord, I just need you" should be a constant prayer that rises up out of our hearts.  Especially when we feel attacked and misunderstood and are tempted to justify ourselves with empty accomplishments, and puffed up self-justification.  We need to allow Him some quiet moments to reassure us of our infinite worth in His heart and to hush the murmuring voices that confuse and distract us.  Peace and forgiveness have a chance when we can become like a child resting confidantly in her mother's arms.

Peace and grace,
Heidi

Lord, my heart is not proud

  Psalm 131 : Receiving the Kingdom like a child

LORD, my heart is not proud;

nor are my eyes haughty.

I do not busy myself with great matters,

with things too sublime for me.

Rather, I have stilled my soul,

Like a weaned child to its mother,

weaned is my soul.

Israel, hope in the LORD,

now and forever.

Sometimes I read this Psalm 131 and I feel great peace and trust.   Sometimes I think, yeah, easy for King David to say, he has the Lord's blessing, he is King and loved by his people.  He accomplished great things, and pursued great marvels.  I am nothing like that, but I want, I want, I want.  And that is when I take my eyes off of the Lord and focus on myself.  But in His great patience He waits, and soon I return, realizing that in all he did, King David had a heart for God. Only in resting with Him and then receiving His grace will I truly be able to see that my wants all are fulfilled in Him.  Even in my daily tasks, like feeding a little two-year old boy lunch and putting him down for a nap, if it is done with a heart for the Lord, it is truly a task great and marvelous that is laid out just for me.

Childlike faith is the key.  Humbly accepting the tasks that God has laid before you, not without zeal or passion, but without grasping at honor and earthly glory (and running back to His mercy when you realize that those desires have crept into your motivation for serving God).   All reward is sought from the Father.

And God places examples of this childlike faith before our eyes all the time; because He is a Father, and He knows we need encouragement.  Last fall as I was waiting for my preschool daughter’s dance class to start I was entranced by a vision of childlike discipleship.

My daughter and another little girl were busy running, leaping and twirling around the gymnasium where the class was to be held, when the baby brother of my daughter’s friend, who was crawling around the floor, shot a glance at his mother, and then with great determination, began to stand.  All at once his mother and the two little girls were cheering him on.    He was wobbly, and he was not really sure what to do, but he had his eyes fixed on his mother who held out her arms encouraging him to take a step.  Which he did, to the cheers and clapping, twirling and jumping of the little girls.  But he was all about his mother, his eyes were sparkling and determined as he  focus on her and took another wobbly step in her direction.
 
The girls continued to demonstrate their proficiency at bipedal movement all around him, but it did not distract him from his task. He was not overcome with prideful self-awareness at his shaky steps while they twirled around him, he was progressing in the task appropriate to him at his age and physical development.  He did not measure his achievement by theirs, he took encouragement from their cheers but directed his full attention to his mother who received him with joy and love as he fell into her arms.  His smile was ecstatic!

It felt for a moment like a vision from heaven.  As I read this psalm I recalled this vision, and I also thought of the distracted and distorted wants that are often revealed in my heart.  Only when one stops grasping at things that are, at that moment, too sublime, or lets go of a self conscious awareness of the abilities of those around them, and simply focuses on the Father, can he or she proceed in the Spirit in task that was placed before them at that moment and take joy in the love of the Father, not worrying about what those around are called to do, or whether anyone notices what is being accomplished.

This is the only way to really progress authentically in the Spirit in the unique way God has intended for you and you alone.  It is the only way to proceed without soul-killing pride and self-consciousness blunting your zeal and diverting your passion.  But, when you focus on the one who will sustain you in all things, when you rest in Him receive His grace and then respond in His Spirit your passion will be tremendous, your zeal will be contagious and your reward will be great, for it will be from Him in whom all desires are fulfilled.

How do you receive and then allow the Lord's grace to flow through you?  Do you accept His yoke through yielding to His Spirit in prayer?  Do you respond to the Lord’s promptings, seeking forgiveness when you fail and when you succeed do you seek approval and greatness from God alone?  When we do we can proceed in the Spirit in great matters or in small matters with His peace, because it is in Him whom we trust will give us all that we could ever hope for, always falling into His arms for refreshment. Oh Lord, my heart is not proud.....

Peace and Grace to all,
Heidi

Psalm 131

This Sunday's readings contain one of my favorite Psalms:   Psalm 131,  it is short and it is humble.

Psalm 131: 1,2, 3:
Lord my heart is not proud, nor are my eyes haughty.  I do not busy myself with great matters, with things too sublime for me.  Rather I have stilled my soul, like a weaned child to it's mother, weaned is my soul.  Israel hope in the Lord, now and forever.

The response that we are to say is:  In you Lord, we have found peace.  Is that where you find your peace?  Why is peace so elusive?  Do you go to the Lord daily in prayer and give to Him all the things you busy yourself with through the day?  Do you fill your mind with the word of God, which is living and active? Could it be that we think that exterior peace leads to interior peace?

I know that there are times that my heart and soul get so wound up with activities great or small, debates about issues, great or small, that I am far from peaceful.  And when I am agitated and restless, I want to change everything around me, to do something that I hope will transform my turmoil into tranquility (or at least distract me from it). If I get everything in place around me, or if I can control my surroundings, I think that I should be able to attain peace in my soul.  I attempt to quiet my restless heart with what I do, what I have or who I love and am loved by in this world, so that I will be satisfied.

 But it is not so.  And it takes humility to realize it.  To humbly be weaned of the temptation to create false peace and to try so hard to control how others see you, treat you or honor you. We need to be content and humble in the presence of the Lord, or else we can fall into the trap of the Pharisees, who "preach but do not practice",  or the priests of Malichi 2, who" do not listen" and "do not lay it to heart".  They have achieved the places of honor, but have not submitted their hearts and minds to the Lord with humility and love.

 Thus, the Psalm is about prayer, and even great kings, who do have to busy themselves in the world with great and sublime things, must humble themselves and sit at the feet of the Lord where we all should submit our worries and joys, our successes and our failures to our true King.    And, if I do not understand that all true peace and lasting joy come from the Lord, and are gifts that are nurtured in prayer and quiet listening, even if I say I believe and trust in the Lord, I will fall prey so easily to false notions of peace, and false notions of faith. This Psalm calls us to a deep reliance and a stronger trust in the Lord, who at times seems to let the world spin out of control.

 The mother of a child who is being weaned knows that there are greater things for her child, and her child is ready to move on.  The child only knows that mother is withdrawing a comforting form of her nurturing love from him or her, and a very anxious child may be desperate to maintain this comfort with their mother. Here is where this child can grow in trust; the weaning process is not just the removal of a consolation and leaving the little one to comfort himself; what mother does not console her anxious child as they grow and mature leaving behind childish comforts?  But upon weaning they are beginning to understand that mother is still near, and still delighting in her child, and they can quietly rest in her lap without being upset at having moved on from earlier stages of nurturing.  She has not weaned them to burden them, but to free them.  Peace and humility are found in the trust and firm hope that even in middle of chaos and anxiety, when the Lord feels far away, He is still there, and nothing will separate you from His care.

Grace and Peace,
Heidi

Here is some wisdom from Deacon Paul Rooney about the readings for the Thirty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time.