mine will never be.” Matthew 26:33
It has been a tough Lent for me, a long dry spell in prayer has continued though, not completely without respite. Along with that a family situation suddenly came upon us that will continue to demand much prayer, love and sacrifice into an uncertain future. And here I am with nothing to offer, not a thing. One day, as my husband and I were waiting on some news with our loved one, I reflected on how empty I felt, how impoverished I was in this particular situation. How impoverished I had always been. I stand at a crucial moment, like Peter at his denial of the Lord, relying on my own store of love and fidelity and I find am empty! In that emptiness, fear, resentment and bitterness were threatening to invade. “Lord!” I cried, “I have no love!”
The Lord GOD is my help,
therefore I am not disgraced;
I have set my face like flint,
knowing that I shall not be put to shame. Isaiah 50:7
It was a Thursday, so, since I had nothing to do but wait, I prayed the Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary. Oh, because of my dryness in prayer I tried to distract myself with other things, but in the end I relented to the call to pray. I don’t think I ever finished it, because as I prayed the second Luminous mystery, The Wedding of Cana I began to realize that Our Blessed Mother was helping me to ask for His love to minister to this situation, and in fact to overflow into my past failures to endure in love and faithful patience. In turn, I was being invited to wait on the Lord. How can one trust such an intuition? How can one cling to it with nothing to see as proof it will come to fruition?
He trusted in God;
let him deliver him now if he wants him. Matthew 27:43
But as I have journeyed through this Lent the meditation of waiting on the Lord has kept coming back. I went to a day of reflection given by the Institute of Priestly Formation. We meditated on trusting and waiting on the Lord, especially in situations where our own love cannot suffice. We wait on His perfect love to flow our through us.
But Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
remained sitting there, facing the tomb. Matthew 27:61
And I wait, with hope and faithfulness for what I don’t quite know. I walk forward into this uncertain situation with the trust that what I need will be given when I need it. I wait with Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, facing the tomb, not knowing but trusting. I wait relying not on my own strength, but on the strength of the One who conquers all.
Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God
something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him
and bestowed on him the name
which is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:6-11
Into your hands Lord, I commend my spirit
Blessed Holy Week,