She left Samuel there

1 Sm 1:24-28

In those days,

Hannah brought Samuel with her,

along with a three-year-old bull, and ephah of flour, and a skin of wine,

and presented him at the temple of the LORD in Shiloh.

After the boy's father had sacrificed the young bull, 

Hannah, his mother, approached Eli and said:

"Pardon, my lord!

As you live, my lord,

I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request.

Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD;

as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD."

She left Samuel there.

"She left Samuel there"

That last line is a difficult one for me to read. Did he cry? Did she long to take him back? Why would such a sacrifice be needed? This child, Samuel, factors big in salvation history and he is close to the Lord in a mysterious way! He hears the Lord and he responds to His voice; maybe it is because his mother's generosity and trust in the Lord removed obstacles of fear and doubt.  Me, on the other hand, well, my fear of pain as well as my satisfaction with the world sometime prevent me from really listening to the Lord and from wholly offering myself to Him.  As I struggle with that last line, I am being asked to open my heart, to feel the longing and sorrow Hannah must have had in leaving her much loved son and trust in the mysterious majesty of God!  A sacrifice made with trusting love is re-payed with unfathomable generosity that flows from generation to generation. 

Withhold nothing from God!

Read Hannah's canticle to God after she has left Samuel with Eli.  Though her sacrifice was costly, she knows God is at work.  Hannah's canticle foreshadows Mary's, who also holds nothing back from God. Neither woman lets the fear of pain or gnawing anxiety over impending loss harden their hearts or dampen their joy. They do not protect themselves from their sorrow by withholding their love. This makes the pain of their loss more intense I think, yet it also disposed them to receive the intense love of God all the more. Their whole lives are an offering to God and their hearts are always in trusting prayer. They understand that all that they have is God's and that nothing can be withheld from Him. They trust in The Lord who fulfills His promises to even the barren, or a lowly young women of Nazareth.

 Luke 1: 46-56:

Mary Said:

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;

my spirit rejoices in God my savior.

For he has looked upon his lowly servant,

from this day all generations will call me blessed:

the Almighty has done great things for me,

and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him 

in every generation.

He has shown the strength of his arm,

and has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,

and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel

for he remembered his promise of mercy.

the promise he made to our fathers,

to Abraham and his children forever."

Rejoice in His redeeming mercy!

The sorrows and sacrifices of this world should always whisper to us "in the beginning it was not so", and in so doing reveal to us that we are indeed souls in exile; we are separated from the Heavenly Bridegroom.  If only we can allow his redeeming mercy to scatter out attachments.  If we do not allow these attachments to be sent away from our hearts our hopes for things eternal will become weak, and our fears will control us!  We will settle for so much less than what God has in mind for each one of us.  We have to learn to allow God to let us long for what is truly lasting; and trust in His faithfulness in filling the empty spaces in our souls. Allow Hannah and Mary's wholehearted trust to get you in touch with the holy longing in your soul -- a longing that is as poignant as a mother who longs for her child. Trust, like Mary and Hannah did, that someday we will see that the longing we so often fill with worldly things be fulfilled in abundance. It is in that longing that we should rejoice,  because that longing is drawing us to Him.

God is faithful in all that He promises!

 Hannah hears and responds to God in her longings, for a son, and then her longing for him in sorrow after letting him go to fulfill God's plan.  God responds to her longing and sorrow.   Her trust in the Lord makes straight the way for God's salvation for generations to come!  God is the one who will soothe all of these sorrows in the end, because all of them reveal our world's need to be made new.  Mary does not reject what she does not fully comprehend.   She does not hide away from the pain and sacrifice she will face with her son, foretold by the Scriptures and by Simeon. She loves deeply and her heart is pierced deeply.  There is nothing superficial or lukewarm about these women.  Their sorrow is deep, but their everlasting joy is deeper still because they seek joy from God!

What is God asking of me?

He is asking for me to trust in Him in sorrow and in joy, and to hold nothing back from Him.  To cast down the fear, envy and pride that keep my hopes from the heights of heaven. To let go of even good things if they are keeping my heart from Him. To seek the Heavenly Bridegroom in whom all my longing will be fulfilled! 

Grace and Peace to all!
Heidi

Happy Birthday Mary: Teach Me About Lowliness

Today is the Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary, whose immaculate conception was celebrated 9 months ago, was born on this September day.  And as is the way of the Lord, this monumental day, this wondrous birth went quietly by in time, and still goes quietly by in our lives, we could easily miss it. In fact, we often do miss it.  Yet, this feast day invites us to ponder the woman whose life modeled most fully how to allow the word of the Lord to be conceived in us and born through us, in our own words and deeds.  Insignificance and lowliness are not barriers to these wonders, they are requirements.

Which is good, because  I do not have much to offer. I am a Catholic who fails a lot in living my faith.  I am a wife who fails a lot at being a wife.  I am a mother, who fails a lot with her children (I have two crying, fighting and whining in my presence right now - thankfully they are only mildly annoying me, so I am ignoring them...).  And, in a culture that is pragmatic, cliquey and materialistic, I am a stay-at-home mother of 8 who writes for an insignificant blog because I perceived a call to do it from Him, no money in it, no huge following, no "career" to validate me - nothing.  I am nothing.  And oh, how I have caused myself and others around me much pain in fighting that truth for most of my life.

When I was in high school, it got back to me that an acquaintance of mine had described me as a "cipher"....a nobody.  In her world, I was a quiet and fairly shy girl, who was not friends with her friends and who did not leave a huge impression on her friends.  Since I was not terribly concerned with her opinion of me at that time, I was able to brush off the insult fairly easily...or so I thought.  Because every once in awhile the words would come back to me, whispering to me that I was a cipher, a nobody.  And I would fight that identity with much ferocity!  I would deny it, offer proofs against it, but mostly I would fear it. The label of cipher became heavier and heavier.

 But,  one day I finally heard the words of Our Blessed Mother.  My spiritual ears were opened.

Luke 1:46-56:The Canticle of Mary."My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior.  For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.  The Mighty One has done great things for me and holy is his name.  His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him.  He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.  He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.  The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.  He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy, according to his prose to our father to Abraham and to his descendants forever."

Was I to accept that identity that was so thoughtlessly assigned to me? Instantly my spirit rebelled: "I am not a cipher! I am not a nobody, do not let that nasty girl be right!"  The arrogant and prideful aspirations of my heart, which fed upon my fear of nothingness, did not yield easily.  Yet a wave of grace washed over my heart as I thought of the words: "He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones; but lifted up the lowly."  My pride was dispersed, I was thrown down, and lifted up. In a moment I was confronted with all that I wanted to be, thought I should be and was failing at, and yet I was given an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Because I was nothing.  I was nothing so that I could be lifted up; there is no other way.

That thoughtless comment of so many years before was instantly transformed, and the weight of it lifted. The Lord needed to show me I am nothing so I can be filled with His love, His Spirit, His life.  So that he can lift me up, out of my mediocrity and into His heart, and I do not have to grasp at earthly honors, or rewards or recognition. Without Jesus I am nothing, without Him I will cling to false egos and identities, and be let down by them, or even worse, I will be blindly self-satisfied! The heavy burden of that word "cipher" gave way to tearful gratitude and awe. In a world where wealth, popularity and honors are seen as indicators of goodness and worthiness Mary has shown me that it is only lowliness, nothingness that can acquire the interior vision and wisdom to give Him our fiat, with complete trust in His compassionate love that will lift us up.

So Happy Birthday Mary, Queen of Heaven, who so gently taught me about lowliness. I still have to submit my fears and insecurities to God, I still have to have Him disperse pride and arrogance with His mighty arm.  But I do not fear the nothingness as I once did, and I have come to see a little how God's kingdom conquers and transforms this world of shallowness and ugliness .  I now look upon that dismissive description of me so long ago through Mary's eyes, without the shame and fear that the world attaches to it  In those words came the might of His arm and revealed the true and eternal beauty of His Mother.

Blessed Be God, and Blessed Be His Most Holy Mother!

Unrestrained Love or Coffee Spoons? A Meditation on the Feast of the Visitation

 Today is the Feast of the Visitation, when Mary goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth.  This feast is a wonderful opportunity to ponder how we encounter and respond to the movements of the Lord.  Mary hears the words of the Angel Gabriel, and she believes.  She believes and she responds, not only with her great fiat -"be it done to me according to thy word" - but also with an immediate act of charity and generosity, anticipating the needs of her cousin.  In haste Mary goes to Elizabeth, who is expecting to give birth "in her old age" to the prophet John the Baptist.  Mary holds nothing back, she responds to God immediately, and He in turn holds nothing back from her. God responds to Mary's unrestrained giving of herself with a joyous affirmation, by Elizabeth, of the unbelievable events that are occurring. Elizabeth's prophetic response to the Holy Spirit was:

"Most blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb.  And how does it happen to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?  For the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy,  Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled." 

Both she and Elizabeth believed and responded with the whole of their hearts!  What would happen if you and I responded to God with such generosity?  What would happen if all the passion and desire that we so easily allow to misdirect us, or, even worse, through fear we suppress, were given over to the Lord with a daily fiat? What could happen if we accepted our lowliness, our nothingness without fear and allowed the Mighty One to sweep us away in His divine love?  What could happen if we did not avoid the deep emptiness that reveals our spiritually starved souls, but feared comfort that dulls and obscures our longings until it was too late and we are too lost?  Time is running out for you and for me.  Can we respond with Mary's beautiful canticle, rejoicing in our nothingness, because it is that humility which allows the unfathomable love of God to direct our paths through this valley of tears?

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name. His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him. He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones; but lifted up the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped Israel his servant remembering his mercy according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever."

Maybe this seem like an odd diversion, but I have just re-read T.S. Eliot's poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.  There are various analyses of the poem, but just today I watched a YouTube video on the Holy Spirit by Father Robert Barron in which he used a quote from the poem, " I have measured out my life in coffee spoons" as an example of a life lived withholding generous love.  A life lived afraid and unresponsive to passion and desire, and Prufrock is aware that time is running out. It struck me that the frustrated sense of decay, unfulfilled longings and desires that  permeates the poem speaks of a lack of the overflowing love of the Spirit of God.  A withholding of love indicates a lack of love. The stanza before has Prufrock wondering "Do I dare disturb the universe?"  Well, with the Spirit of God directing those longings, desires and passions they will not only not be suppressed, they will fearlessly pour out with love unending and disturb the universe, but in a way according to the word of God. 

Brothers and sisters:  Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; anticipate one another in showing honor.  Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.  Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you, do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation.  Romans 12: 9-16

 Respond to God as Mary did; disturb the universe! Not by grasping at power or by fantasizing about mighty deeds, but by the transformation of your heart and soul through the humble reception of the Word! Let the Spirit flow through you with courage and joy, anticipating the needs of others and pouring out with unrestrained love.  Do you dare disturb the universe?  Do I?  Let us pray with Mary and Elizabeth today for an unrestrained and passionate response to the Spirit!

Peace and Grace!

Heidi

The Canticle of Hannah

The readings for yesterday's Mass were about Hannah offering her little Samuel to Eli. This is one of those stories that haunt me all day.  I keep thinking about it and a question keeps rising from my soul:  "what are you asking of me Lord?"  I realize that I have no heart to receive the deep profound grace of God if I cannot entrust to the Lord all that I hold most dear.

1 Sm 1:24-28

In those days,

Hannah brought Samuel with her,

along with a three-year-old bull, and ephah of flour, and a skin of wine,

and presented him at the temple of the LORD in Shiloh.

After the boy's father had sacrificed the young bull, 

Hannah, his mother, approached Eli and said:

"Pardon, my lord!

As you live, my lord,

I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request.

Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD;

as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD."

She left Samuel there.

What are you asking of me Lord?

That last line is a difficult one for me to read.  I can't imagine taking my three year old daughter and placing her in the care of someone else and leaving! Can you see why this haunts me with the question "what are you asking of me?" I am not capable of that level of sacrifice, and why would the Lord ever need such a heart wrenching act? It seems cruel to separate a young child from his mother, (and if you have read the whole story you know that Eli did not do such a great job with his own sons)! Who is this God whose holiness is so awesome that such a sacrifice is warranted, and how can He ever heal the devastating heartache of a mother who no longer has her child to hold?  My soul cries out for an answer.   I know that I can never fully understand the ways of God here in this Valley of Tears,  but these readings keep whispering to me.  Though my heart breaks for Hannah and her little Samuel, I am seeing that God can be trusted for He is forging the path back to Himself, and He is the refuge for the brokenhearted.  Hannah has put all of her trust in Him, she holds nothing back.  

Open your heart to His majesty!

 This child, Samuel, factors big in salvation history and is close to the Lord in a mysterious way! He listens and hears the Lord, maybe it is because he has learned from his mother that the unfathomable God is to be entrusted with everything we have, and our hearts should always be listening for His gentle calling.  In the end it is my fear of pain as well as a superficial understanding of things that are holy and sacred that prevents me from hearing this passage, and what it has to ask of me.  And I am being asked in this reading to open my heart and trust in the mysterious majesty of God!  For as the readings continue we see that God's power works from generation to generation, and that He never forgets or overlooks the little ones, who have no where to go and no one they can completely trust.

Withhold nothing from God!

The Responsorial Psalm is taken from Hannah's canticle to God after she has left Samuel at the temple, and Hannah's canticle foreshadows Mary's, who will also suffer the loss of her son.   Neither woman lets the anxiety, or the pain of this world harden their hearts and so dampen their joy at being blessed with a child.  They do not protect themselves from loss by loving less, or holding back anything from God.  Their lives are an offering to God and their hearts are always in trusting prayer.  They understand that all that they have is God's and that nothing can be withheld from God.  They trust in The Lord who fulfills His promises to even the lowly barren woman, or a poor maiden of Nazareth.

 Luke 1: 46-56:

Mary Said:

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;

my spirit rejoices in God my savior.

For he has looked upon his lowly servant,

from this day all generations will call me blessed:

the Almighty has done great things for me,

and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him 

in every generation.

He has shown the strength of his arm,

and has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,

and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel

for he remembered his promise of mercy.

the promise he made to our fathers,

to Abraham and his children forever."

Rejoice in His redeeming mercy!

The sorrows and sacrifices of this world should always whisper to us "in the beginning it was not so".  They can reveal to us that we are indeed souls in exile; we are separated from the  Heavenly Bridegroom.  They should focus our hearts on the journey to God, if only we can trust that when the Lord casts down the pride in our hearts, He will not forget us!  If only we can allow his redeeming mercy to scatter the attachments to materiel things or even to the idea that we have more that just superficial control over the events of the world.  If we do not have these things sent away from our hearts we may not realize that our hopes for things eternal are withering, and our fears of the unknown future will consume us!  We will settle for so much less than what God has in mind for each one of us.  We have to learn to allow God to let us hunger for what is truly lasting!  And trust in His faithfulness in filling the empty.   If only we can endure and help others to endure as well, so that someday we will see with pure eyes that the longing we so often ache with will have its true and lasting fulfillment. It is in that longing that we should rejoice in his redeeming mercy, as a mother longs for her child or a bride for her bridegroom, because the longing is an sign of a place where it will be fulfilled.

God is faithful in all that He promises!

 Hannah understands, the sorrow of leaving her son should reveal how profoundly sorrowful our lives are without God's fruitful grace in our soul!  Her trust in the Lord makes straight the way for God's salvation for generations to come!  God is the one who will sooth all of these sorrows.   Mary understands. She does not reject what she does not fully comprehend.   She does not hide away from the pain and sacrifice she will watch her son go through, she loves deeply and her heart is pierced deeply.  There is nothing superficial or lukewarm about these women.  Their sorrow is deep, but their everlasting joy is deeper still!  And what is brought forth from these women of faith are beautiful songs that reveal God's fidelity down to the last generation!

What is God asking of me?

He is asking for me to trust in Him in sorrow and in joy.  To extend my hope from just the here and now into the future.  To cast down the envy and pride that keep my hopes from the heights of heaven.  To seek the Heavenly Bridegroom in whom all my longing will be fulfilled!

Grace and Peace to all!
Heidi






.

.