Even As We Sleep

Merry Christmas!

I have been trying all Advent to post something for Journey to Wisdom, but time is not on my side! So here it is Chirstmas Eve, all four candle are lit and if it is not done now, it didn't need to get done, right?  So I may as well write!

This has been a good Advent, though I would not have said so even a few days ago.

Because even though I thought I had all things under control as we lit the first candle; our Magnificat in hand with it's beautiful prayers and our children's nativity Advent calendar ready to go. (It usually comes out after we are past day 5 and we have to catch up with our readings!)  But then everything spun out of control!  The crazyness of the December activities had something to do with it, a new grandson living with us took up some time and energy, plus, as if those were not enough, a brief, but still burdensome, stint on Federal Jury Duty.  That was all it took!  We fell behind and our evenings got late so our prayer felt hasty--  when we had time to say them! When we did, I was always scolding (yelling at) the kids who never seemed to be listening, or much interested at all! So yeah, I was all like this:

Which always tells me that I am focusing on the exterior appearence of devotion rather than simply opening my heart up to God's intiative and allowing Him to pour out His  grace on us just as we are.  Instead, in my fear of not being good enough, or that I have to do something to catch His eye, I grasp and clutch at spiritual feelings, even though I know that when I grasp and clutch I lose more than I retain! As a result there is much anxiety that goes along with this type of spritual rapacity.

Unless the LORD build the house,
they labor in vain who build.
Unless the LORD guard the city,
in vain does the guard keep watch. (Psalm 127;1)

Of course this isnt to say that we need not keep Advent devotions;  they nurture our desire for the Lord, and we need to desire the Lord more, much more!  But even in our deficient, but growing desire we need to trust that He is pouring out what we need:

God gives to his beloved in sleep (Psalm 127;2)

Which is the gift He gave me this year, He calmed me down and let me know that my desire for Him is all He needs; I do not need to let anxiety overcome me, but yeild the deepeining desire He draws from me even as I sleep, or bumble thorugh my prayers.  

So as I tuck my children to bed this Christmas Eve; as I bless them and help nurture their desire for Him, and as I myself go to sleep, I will not allow my desire to be turned into fear and anxiety. Rather, I will know and believe, that Christ is being born in my soul, because He desires to be and He is deepening my desire for Him!  No matter what!

In the tender compassion of our God
the dawn from on high shall break upon us,
to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1: 78-79

Know today that the Lord will come!  In the morning you will see His glory!
Merry Christmas!
Heidi